


To Defend the (Well-Curtained) Cave

by FleuretteFfoulkes



Category: The Scarlet Pimpernel - Wildhorn/Knighton
Genre: (of a sort), Curtain Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25850482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleuretteFfoulkes/pseuds/FleuretteFfoulkes
Summary: "Gad, no, Highness," Sir Percy replied. "What's the use defending a cave when it looks like this?"
Kudos: 4
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fifteen





	To Defend the (Well-Curtained) Cave

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the square "Curtain Fic" on my Trope Bingo card.

"What!" the Prince said. "Man's duty is to wield the sword. Defend the cave, what?"

"Gad, no, Highness," Sir Percy replied. "What's the use defending a cave when it looks like this?" Casting aside the beribboned cane with which he had been punctuating his comments, he climbed upon the back of the nearest settee in a single bound. "A male's duty is to uphold the banner of beauty, both in his personal toilette and also in the architecture and decor with which he surrounds himself. Take these curtains." Seizing a fistful of the dark burgundy brocade curtain that hung behind the settee, he raised it above his head, pulling the rest of the curtain along. "I ask you gentlemen, would any of you wish to be caught dead with such a drab curtain as this for backdrop?"

There was a chorus of "no"s from Ozzy, Dewhurst, and the rest.

"Now of course it's not your fault, Highness," Percy said, jumping back down from the settee and taking up his cane. "We all know that the palace has been furnished over the course of the historic centuries as a variety of architectural and decorational styles have been pursued by our beloved Britannia the Great."

"Rule, Britannia!" cried Elton.

"When Britain first, at Heav'n's command," Dewhurst began, and the others joined in. Percy conducted them with his cane. "Arose from out the azure main." ("Arose, arose, arose from out the azure main," Ozzy and Hal chorused in a very poor approximation of three-part harmony.) "This was the charter, the charter of the land, and guardian angels sang this strain:"

The Prince joined in on the chorus, as Percy's cane waved wildly and nearly took out a lamp stand. "Rule, Britannia! Rule the waves: Britons never will be slaves."

The entire company broke out into cheers. "But as I was saying, Highness," Percy said, using both the ribbons of his cane and the brim of his overlarge hat to make a complicated gesture in the direction of the vilified brocade curtains, "just because mistakes were made in the past does not mean you cannot rectify them now! There is nothing stopping you from redecorating this palace this very moment, in the manner that befits a real man! Vivid colors, fine embroidery, ruffles and lace! Give the room we stand in now the opportunity to shine as an example for the human race!"

"I suppose it can't hurt," the Prince said, stepping forward to more closely inspect the curtain.

Percy clapped him enthusiastically on the back. "Of course it can't! Each species needs a sex that's fated to do a lot of decorating—and that is why the Lord created men!"


End file.
